My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I will pee on everything he values.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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