Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
