and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
