Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
