guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
