his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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