My first STD was from a foam party
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
