Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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