Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Buhtt sex?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
