Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
