If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
