I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
