absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
