She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
