Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
