He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
