I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
