Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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