Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
