these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
