I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
