The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
