Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
