You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
