Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
