Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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