I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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