HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
