this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
