Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
