woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
