I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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