i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
