maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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