Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
