my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
