break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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