I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
