I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
