I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
