I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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