Are we in a gay sports bar?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
