Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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