Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
