whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
