Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
