yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
"it" just moved
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
