He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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