Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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