so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
