I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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