shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
