OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
