I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
