There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
