I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
