youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
