12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
