HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
