You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize