so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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