Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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