i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Randomize
