the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
