plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
