yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Green mimosas i think yes
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
