Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You can't just leave with hair like that
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
