i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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