Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
