Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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