Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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